In the past few months, I took a break from my hobbies and the things that make me happy to just focus on self care. I didn’t realize I really needed to step back and take care of myself until I realized I was not enjoying what I was doing. Taking care of myself was the biggest step I needed to take to get myself back on track.
I also did a lot of thinking about life, the purpose of my actions, what matters to me, things I needed to let go and areas for improvement.
Here are five questions that really made me think deeper about my intentions and can help you to figure out the same as well! Don’t be surprised if your life changes as a result!
- What am I trying to achieve in this argument?
Are you arguing to argue? Are you arguing to win? Can you define what you need from the other person? Like acknowledgement, an apology or explanation of why something happened? Can you argue about the point in a healthy manner? Can you find a resolution? What do you truly feel about something? Can you find a way to express your feelings calmly and work it out with the other person? Can you keep an open mind and try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes for a moment? Have you also considered your actions and areas that you can work on?
Understanding your feelings, figuring out what you want from an argument and working to resolve the issue will truly help you with communicating your needs and trying to make the argument healthy instead of toxic. Not all arguments are bad – it’s just the way they are handled.
- What is really important for me to focus on right now?
Sometimes I lose sight of what I really need to do because there’s too much noise in my brain.
In those moments, I sometimes have stepped outside of myself…where I see myself from a third person’s view. I have to check myself and realize where I am in that current moment. I remind myself that I have the power to focus on what I want and need to look at the things that should be done immediately.
I am a huge proponent of lists. When I realize I’m focusing on the wrong things or am clueless about what I want to do, I write a list of what I want to accomplish and look at it often to remind myself to work towards that. Sometimes, you change and don’t want to do something that you wanted to before, and that’s totally OK. The goal is to have some idea of what you want to work towards, use that as a starting point and build from there.
Try to think about what really matters to you, where you want to be and how to get there instead of worrying about things that are not in your control.
- By comparing myself to others, what do I achieve?
Honestly, nothing except disappointment, anxiety, depression and low self-worth. You will never be happy if you are constantly comparing yourself to someone else or standards that aren’t always real.
Understanding that we all get exactly one chance to live life has changed my mindset drastically the past few days. I realized that many things in life are illusions and superficial – we are all drivers of the journey but don’t realize that because we get lost by temporary problems. Everyone will live life the way they want – it’s time you do according to the way you want and realize that fame, power, wealth and materialistic things will not make you happy unless you make a choice to be happy. Being better than someone else is not necessarily an accomplishment. Being more famous, wealthier or powerful than someone else will not make you really happy because it is a cycle that will never stop – there will always be someone else to compete with.
Instead, strive to love the person you are and be a better person than you were yesterday. Personal growth, helping others and inner peace are standards to live up to.
- What can I change to make the situation better?
A lot. Only if you decide to do so.
A lot of time, we complain about our problems, things that bother us or various hardships. Life can be difficult, but nothing is permanent in life. You won’t be in the situation that you are in forever. Things can get better. Life is more about your reaction to issues than the actual issues themselves.
The sooner you realize you can control your actions and change the way you act and/or think about something, the quicker your life might change for the better.
- What is bothering me in this moment?
When I have a lot on my mind, I write about everything that bothers me and my problems in a notebook. Once I write them out, I not only tackle the root of my uneasiness but also decide what I want to do about them.
Another great tip is to rank your problem(s) on a scale of 1 to 10. The problems that do not bother you as much should get lower scores; the problems that bother you a lot should get higher scores.
From there, I come up with a solution for every problem. If it’s not within my control, then I write how I can change the way I feel about it. If it’s within my control, I will write the actions that I can take to deal with it. Every problem can have a solution, even it’s not concrete. It may be the way you deal with them that makes your life more easier!
I hope you found this post to be helpful – let me know what other questions have changed your life in the comments!
Me. Poojah.