Do you ever feel like you have to do things just to prove yourself and validate your existence with laurels or hobbies that make you attractive? Do you ever go out and feel like you’re there, but really…you’re not?
Why is it that we strive to achieve things just to feel like we are someone? Why do we attach success to numbers to prove our skill level? Why do we feel this need to get validation from people who don’t really know us or care for us?
Why do we go to places just to feel like we belong? Why do we have to keep up appearances to feel worthy?
I sometimes feel when I go to these amazing places, the first thought that I have is to take a picture to show what I’m doing or I’m having fun. After I post it, I get into this vicious cycle of seeing who views or likes my stuff, and I end up not being in the present moment.
I look around me, and I see easily 5-10 people doing the same thing.
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Whenever I practice and perform a song, I feel the same way after I post it online.
Disappointed.
I’m not alone, but I feel alone. And it doesn’t feel nice.
I’ve been questioning why I’ve been posting.
I feel so happy when I take photos or get photographed. I get this ridiculous euphoria when I edit a photo and write a story for it. I spend days rehearsing for fun and pretending I’m a rockstar.
But I get so sad when I post.
And I realized why.
These photographs are some of my most happiest moments – I feel so good and love who I am in these moments. When I share them, inadvertently, I want to know who thinks that too. I want to feel like I’m someone.
It gets disappointing over time to keep up this expectation of having a jazzy life, filling this void in yourself, struggling to be present-minded and answering the question of “do you really care?”
I’ve been digging further into this feeling, which makes me so restless. I found that it stems from the insecurity of not feeling cool enough, having to prove I’m someone to undo all the bullying I’ve been through and not believing in myself.
It’s taken me a long time to realize that you don’t really need to do anything to prove that you’re worthy as a person to talk to.
You’re enough.
At the end of the day, all these awards, achievements, acquirement of materialistic things, likes, views, comments and posts will not matter as much as who you are as a person. You could have everything and be rude. You can have nothing and be the kindest person. Or the opposite.
All that matters is that you never have to prove yourself as a person to anyone because your existence, feelings, beliefs, thoughts, beauty, magic and soul are enough.
You don’t have to post to prove that you are someone because you’re already someone. You don’t need to share these moments for external validation.
Post for you. Post because you want to – not to get X amount of likes to feel like you belong.
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Finally realizing this has made me so peaceful with who I am. I’d be lying if I said I’ve completely changed, but I’m far better off than I was years ago.
This concept has also changed my rationale for posting online. I no longer desire to stare at the screen for hours wondering about metrics. I desire to create content for me, edit photos to my liking and capture moments that make me feel good and happy.
I spent a day in DC with some friends, catching up on life. It was such a lovely day and perfect for walking around.
Here’s where we went to:
El Techo feels like a summer lounge even in the winter. Its views, ambiance and decor stimulates your senses immediately and makes you feel like you’re at a great outdoor party. We were seated upstairs in a rooftop setting, though it was shielded by flower decorations. The door was camouflaged by grass decor, giving this cute beach oasis vibe.
The beverage menu has many unique offerings – I got a Cilantro Margarita, which was very spicy and leafy. I also ordered some tacos sans cabbage and mushrooms.
My friend ordered Mac and Cheese balls, which were quite tasty. They were crisp on the outside with a soft filling that melted in your mouth.
As a vegetarian, I enjoyed this place. But I would recommend this place for happy hour or if you want to eat something light.
The staff were super sweet, accommodating to our needs and allowed us to stay a little extra beyond our reservation time.
Surrounded by high-end shops like Hermès, fancy restaurants and decorations (that change per the season or month?), City Center is unforgettable. It always keeps you guessing what type of decorations you will see next.
I believe these decorations were to commemorate Valentine’s Day and Lunar New Year.
Nonetheless, this is a great place for walking around in the day or even night.
My friend found this place, and it’s so adorable. It reminded me of how I used to go some shops and cafes in Jaynagar, Bangalore. It’s on the bottom level with a rose wall outside. We both got teas, which had crushed Oreos at the top.
I usually don’t try teas like this because I’m afraid I’ll waste it. But this was an exception. For the best taste, mix the chocolate with the tea. The design was modeled after a plant, making it memorable for its aesthetic and unique taste.
In conclusion, I’m making a promise to myself to start posting for me. I’m going to take photos but not spend forever on that so I don’t miss the moment in front of me.
And if I’m to be remembered, I want to be remembered for my stories. For helping someone grow. For living life to the fullest and seeing the magic around me.
Me. Poojah.